Dear Friends,
As you all know, our sublime perfect teacher, my beloved husband Tulku Thondup Rinpoche, passed away on December 29th. It is a huge loss, not just for me, who grew up with him from age 19, but also for the Longchen Nyingthig lineage and all those whom he touched around the world. I had no idea how many, or how deeply, until the outpouring of appreciation in the wake of his Parinirvana.
As many of you know, Tulku had health issues for a while. He said in late October that the time of death was coming very soon. And, in retrospect, there was an increasing intensity to his devotion and prayers in the build-up to December 29th, as if he must have known. He had always been super-disciplined, a man on a mission, praying and meditating continually without wasting time. But it seemed as if his prayers were turbocharged these past months, even as he continued his normal, peaceful daily life.
I had always tried to ignore, at least to his face, his statements about his impending death and tried to get him to think that he had many years left.
But when the moment arrived in the early hours of December 29th, and the wonderful doctors and nurses in the ICU could do no more, the most amazingly joyful look blossomed across Tulku’s face. Although he was sedated, he seemed to be looking up, surging, and radiating transcendental joy. I felt that he was being embraced by the Tathagatas in their boundless joy, love, and peace. Nothing in the ICU could hide or constrain the resplendent joy on his face – not his sedation, not the breathing tube, not the IV bags. It simply shone through.
Tulku Rinpoche left me a personal testament in which he said that, when he passed away, he would not remain in tukdam, meditating in his body. Instead, he would go immediately to Dewa Chen. He said that the reason he was going to Dewa Chen was because he could see more beings’ needs, hear more beings’ pleas, and help more beings more effectively from that state. He asked me to ask lamas, especially in Tibet where they would normally compose a swift rebirth prayer, to please not do that for him because if people prayed for his swift rebirth, he might be forced to return from Dewa Chen prematurely. He wanted to help beings, whoever was open, from there, -- and then manifest here again on his own time.
He said in his testament that he didn’t need big pujas. He had prayed his whole life to go to Dewa Chen and believed that he had the merits to go there. However, he said that if friends wanted to pray for him, they should pray that he and all beings be reborn in Dewa Chen and that he be able to help countless beings.
This is what sustains me now -- knowing that Tulku Rinpoche didn’t go to Dewa Chen to go on vacation. He went there because of his burning desire to help us more, to enter our hearts and minds and be intimate with us, pushing us to enlightenment. He doesn’t want to stay away. All we need is to be “open,” and hopefully reciprocate his ardor.
Tulku Rinpoche advised me to continue the Guru Rinpoche practice and meditations that he taught us. He also told me to think, visualize, and feel – and he was all about feeling – Guru Rinpoche’s boundless love, omniscient wisdom, and all-pervasive power with heart-felt devotion whenever I was free during the day. Most of you will know his instructions, which he gave many times. He left us a big body of work, including 19 books translated into 21 languages, and gave us all the tools we need to mingle our minds with the Buddhas’.
A few personal comments. I find that, when I am in prayer and trying to commune with Tulku Rinpoche and the Buddhas, I am fine. You might even see a smile on my face. It is when my mind wanders and I think about my loss, that I become sad. So I am trying to stay in the Presence and in communion whenever I can.
I also try to remember the joy. As the years passed, Tulku’s eyes were failing. His hearing was fading. He had a hard time walking. And although he remained in ecstasy no matter what happened to his body, he can now see and hear everything and go everywhere all at once. How exciting!
Kilung Rinpoche took the red eye from the West Coast and stayed through the cremation, expertly guiding us and performing ceremonies. He has also been a wonderful support for me personally. And Sungtrul Rinpoche flew in from California just to do Tshog for a few hours at the feet of Tulku Rinpoche’s kudung before he had to fly back.
I have also discovered a whole new meaning to the “precious sangha,” whose support and love I feel strongly, regardless of geographic distance. I am grateful.
I have heard from so many people how Tulku’s passing changed them and deepened their devotion and commitment to practice, which I know would please him immensely.
Without Michael Baldwin and Harold Talbott, who brought Tulku here from India in the early 1980s and supported his work through the rest of his life, none of this would have been possible for us in the West.
With you in the Dharma,
Lydia Segal